Saturday, June 4, 2011

Sexual Pet Peeves!

So I'm just gonna jump right in there and start this one. We all have something we hate or dislike.....or basically is a deal breaker in the bedroom. I was having a random conversation with some of my coworkers and they all know that I blog, so they suggested that I should totally write a blog about pet peeves in the bedroom. I said wow that's a great topic I am totally going to do it. So as most of my readers know I am a Lesbian, but I took pet peeves suggestions from both Straight & Gay friends. So while some of these pet peeves wont apply to all of you, It will still make you laugh your ass off. Please Comment with your favorite one, or let me know if I forgot a great one.

Oh I also wanted to say that not everyone will agree with these, some people are more freaky than others. Oh and finally I promised not to list any ones names who gave me their suggestions. LOL I really wish I could because it would be 10x more funny. But a promise is a promise :). I'm gonna list them in no specific order & give you my feed back as I go along. .

Tongue in Ear - My biggest pet peeve/turn off is when someone sticks their tongue into my actual ear, like a freaking q-tip. WTF that shit is gross. Its sexy to lick around my ear, maybe even suck on my lobes a bit. But I don't want your tongue inside of my ear. Also I hate when some breathes all loud into your ear, like hello that is my ear drum mofo. Huge turn off were not 13 anymore get it together lol.

Oral sex head control - This next one was submitted by one of my straight girlfriends. She said she hates when she is giving head & the guy starts to push her head down faster and faster or lower and lower (the deep throat action). Duh idiot do you want me to throw up on you? I was laughing hysterically when she said this. See I think guys get so into the moment, they think that if they move the girls head the way they like it, they will bust faster. However they aren't the girl choking on the chicken (catch my drift) & they might just get a surprise bust of some vomit or at the very least some serious gag action from the girl.

Hairy Area's - This next one can go for either sexual orientation. Hairy people in general are gross. A straight friend said, I hate when your with a guy and he has a hairy chest and it gets stuck on you during sweaty sex, or when your done you find hair in between your boobs. YUCK. I started to think about this from my own experiences, umm yeah its pretty gross when you go down on a girl & she is not groomed, I don't want to go through a jungle to find that kitty kat if you know what I mean. I need a clear path....at the very most a landing strip. I saw on the Internet that straight girls also don't like when a guy isn't groomed either because it gets stuck in their teeth. OMFG right TMI, but it goes both ways i guess.

Selfishness - What about when your just about to orgasm but your partner stops, your stuck with that little bit of hatred in your eyes like really your just gonna stop before I finish, this is 10x worst when they have already finished. UHHHHHHH makes me angry. On that note what about if your preforming oral sex on your partner, and for what ever reason they aren't climaxing. Be it your not doing it right or they are having their own issues. But whatever it is they wont freaking cum, talk about annoying right. Then your all frustrated and probably don't even want to continue.

Busting with NO Warning- I would know nothing about this next one, but I will say this the person that told me this one hmmmm all I can say is I wouldn't even think she did this....lmao (You know who you are) So she said I hate when they bust in your mouth & don't even tell you like no warning even. How freaking rude. I myself don't mind.....jk lol you should see me cracking up right now.

Sex Talk & Screamers- So I'm on the fence about this one. It could go either way for me. Were gonna break it down into a few parts. 1st part, someone who likes to talk a lot during sex, like have a full on conversation. umm hello can you focus please lol. Now if you are gonna talk, then talk dirty :) 2nd part Someone said to me their pet peeve is. DONT tell me to talk dirty to you, I will if i want to. LMAO that shit was great. I guess everyone has their own comfort zone and knows when & where to bring the freak out. 3rd. What about the porno type screamers, like they are so loud all you can think is they are faking it. I myself like to be loud when your putting in work. But if its lame you wont hear a peep out of me. So I guess Control your screams in bed? I don't know about this one, I'm still on the fence.

Pity Sex- im sure we have all gave in once before to satisfy our partner or someone at some point. LOL if not your freaking lucky your day will come my friends. But I hate pity sex, I have a rule and I stay true to it. If I don't want to get it on, then we sure as hell ain't getting it on. What about when someone is giving you the pity sex. "Like ok i guess if you want to". Or just lays there like a dead corpse. OOOOhhhhh girl i don't want no dead fish, and If your that inexperienced, then you shouldn't be with me.

Toe to mouth - This one speaks for it self, ever heard that phrase take your foot out of your mouth. We all know its a bad thing right. So then why in the world would you want someone to suck on your toes? (Or worse you suck on someone else's toes). I will make one exception to this rule, just had a pedicure and were in the tub, and my feet are super clean :) But even then, that is not a common thing going down for me.

Sex Toys -LMFAO at this one, this applies to all sexual orientations, but I heard it from a straight friend. SOME THINGS AREN'T SEX TOYS! LOL she said when they are at the grocery store her boyfriend will grab all kind of weird objects and give her this look like ohhhhh yeah!!! Then she would give him the look like hell mutha effin NO! LOL I personally am not into toys but I know that a lot of my lesbian friends can't live without them, so just a word of advice peeps not all things are made for the private holes. LOL an if your using weird objects, please put a condom or something on them & THROW THEM AWAY WHEN YOUR DONE. Could you imagine you leave something out & someone else eats it later. I think I just threw up a bit in my mouth.

Questions - So what about when your first getting to know someone sexually it can be annoying if you ask them too much about all their past sexual experiences for more reasons then one. But if your asking about my wildest, craziest, dirtiest sexual experience then in the words of Jack Nicholson "YOU CANT HANDLE THE TRUTH" especially if you have to ask about them. You should be trying to create them with me, & making me forget about the others.

EXIT ONLY- So this one is different for everyone, some people are into it and some not so much. But most guys love it. They hate when a girl says exit only, it shoots all their hopes and dreams down lmao. I say hey at least they told you. I guess its different for everyone. I will leave it at that, I don't want to go into too much detail on this one.

Sloppy Kissers - So everyone loves a good passionate kiss right, well what about when the person is freaking all over the place. Like trying to swallow your face, or licking your mouth like your lips are the size of Ronald McDonald's painted on ones. Yuck no one likes a freaking doggy kiss, Keep it cute please.

Well I think that I covered quite a few items on this blog. I hope you enjoyed this dose of VIxxx. Don't forget to comment with your favorite Pet Peeve or let me know what I missed. xoxo Vixxx


  1. BwHahahhahahah loved it! Don't ask just make new memories with me!! Hahahah lmfao!!

  2. I can't emphasize enough how much I simply love your writing. It's like you're right in front of me having a fucken hilarious conversation with me. Keep on writing baby! Soon you'll have to help me with my blog. I love your analogies and the way you compare things. Lol. Awesome.